cannot sleep. again

Just watched finished a movie, Underworld: Rise of the lycans. Not bad, but it's Gothic, and dark. Not very good for those which have bright rooms. xp Slacked with wei jie, around 11 at kim san leng, couldn't eat anything, didn't really have the mood for alot of things these days. We saw a traffic accident happen at the nearby junction, the one between pending and bukit panjang road. I think it was like a Malaysian car hitting a taxi when he wanted to overtake it, and steered to early to the left. The engine block was like crumpled, resembling paper being crushed. And the worst part is they had a baby in the car, none was hurt, I think. But the taxi driver went with a broken wrist =X . I think this gives testimony that death may come to us any time. scares the living crap out of me. These days, really don't have the mood to do anything, it's like I'm rotting, and I've got nothing to do. I really want to start shooting and I know I'm going to be good in it. And in our world, it all boils down to money, I really don't have the money to get myself a gun, and the only way is to get my gun. I wished so hard, if I could find a sponsor. I don't come from a rich family, and these kinds of things are just unfair sometimes. Tml going with dad to woodlands? I think. Grandma's starting her dialysis, its hurts so much to see her in pain and like telling myself that this pain is saving her life. Life is filled with so much illusions. I wish I could do something. Money? Work. But I don't have the time, so many things need money, shooting, school, laptops, cigs, medical fees. I wish so much, for everything and I don't know what to do. I wish someone would tell me the answer. Really confused with life and purpose. iXac - For god only knows these answers.